Creating Your Own Bubble

It’s been on my mind to write this for a while because I’ve been reflecting on it a lot recently. When you have children, and especially as they get older, you have to equip them with a solid armour to help protect them from life’s adversities. Giving them advice on how to act and react in certain situations inevitably makes you put your own mind-set under scrutiny as you have to be seen to practice what you preach and be a positive role model. Whereas life pre-children might have unfolded as a series of instinctive, unrehearsed responses, post-children you find yourself putting your attitude under a spotlight when you are required to verbalise exactly how and why you have developed your personal outlook.

As I try my best to neatly summarise the lessons I have learnt, and continue to learn, I find myself repeating one piece of advice more than any other: You have to create your own bubble.

Life can be beautiful and amazing. It can also be harsh and agonising. So you have to try to ensure, as much as you are reasonably able, that the beautiful and amazing part makes up the majority of your experiences and isn’t overshadowed by the harsh and agonising part. Unfortunately, we all know only too well that it’s often the actions of other people that can cause the most stress and pain.

My sister once told me this and I often think back and reflect on how true it is: The world is full of all sorts of people. Some are kind, selfless, helpful, giving, easy-going, positive and a joy to interact with. Others are unkind, selfish, unhelpful, competitive, domineering, negative and a misery to interact with. Many embody a mixture of all these characteristics, with one set often eclipsing the other. So when you’re out there living your life, at school, at work, running errands, socialising etc. you’re going to experience people with all these traits and you can expect incidents where your two worlds WILL collide. EXPECT IT. It’s not a question of if, it’s a question of when. You’re going to have altercations with people, that’s just life, but you simply can’t allow these run-ins to affect your self-worth or your overall happiness.

This is where the bubble comes in. It’s essential to take responsibility for your own happiness as much as possible, and the choices you make in terms of who you allow into your life can make or break this. You have to surround yourself with an imaginary bubble and carefully decide who you will allow inside, to live your life with you. To do this, you must consider the sum of someone’s parts. When you spend time with the person in question, do they make you feel good about yourself? Do they support you in your endeavours? Do they care about your feelings? Do they consider you in the choices they make? Do they genuinely celebrate your successes? Do they inspire you? Do you admire their qualities? Are they generally kind to and about other people? Do you experience a buoyant sense of lightness and good energy after being with them? If the answers are yes, or mostly yes, then it’s a good idea to keep this person inside your bubble. On the other hand, if any of the answers are no, and especially if more than one answer is no, then you should probably keep that person outside of your bubble. At best, these people can be stressful and frustrating. At worst, they can be toxic and cause long-term damage. That’s why it’s so essential to create a barrier.

Then you have to make it clear to yourself: It’s only the actions and opinions of people inside your bubble that should really matter. For the people on the outside, let the boundaries of your bubble protect you from being wounded by their words or behaviour. It doesn’t matter. It’s not important to you. These aren’t the integral people you have chosen to share your life and your experiences with. Allow their negativity to bounce off your bubble, away from you, so it doesn’t have even the slightest chance of affecting your self-worth or mental well-being.

When you do this, you’ll find that stress and disharmony in your life is minimised simply because you haven’t surrounded yourself with people who channel it. Of course, you’re going to have altercations and disagreements with people in your daily dealings, as I mentioned, but whether they are strangers, on the periphery of your life, or quite close to the outside of your bubble, the same is true: they shouldn’t affect your perceived core value, your positivity or your happiness.

It really doesn’t matter how many people are in your bubble. As the old saying goes, it’s about quality, not quantity. Don’t be tempted to let people in just to make up numbers, it defeats the whole purpose of creating the bubble in the first place.

The bubble is also constantly evolving. You may decide at some stage that someone inside your bubble is no longer serving your highest good, they’re no longer making you feel positive about yourself and being around them is draining or detrimental to your state of mind. In this case, it’s probably a good idea to release them from your bubble gracefully and with civility, preferably without drama and hostility, and put a self-protective distance between you.

All the while, it’s important to act with integrity and be the kind of person that you want in your bubble. Endeavour to be the best possible version of yourself, both to people inside your bubble and to those on the outside, whilst staying true to your core values and principles.

There’s so much more that I say to my children in connection to this, but that’s the basic premise. Create your own bubble. Of course, as humans we’re all fundamentally fallible and often emotions can and do over-ride logic and reasoning (that’s when cuddles and other overt gestures of love, support and reassurance come into play), but as an overall rule try your best to maintain your bubble. Strive to surround yourself with positive energy and don’t let the actions of others cast a shadow on your beautiful light. People who exude negativity and cause disharmony are on their own journey, they have their own lessons to learn, and you don’t have to be part of it. Just float above it all, in your bubble!